What a week......

....it has been. While it has been a nice break from the boys this week even though most of it i have felt like crap it is really nice to have the boys home with me again this afternoon. I have also learnt this week what the hardest thing about being a parent is for me. When your pregnant people always say oh the hardest thing is the birth or the night feeds, cleaning diapers etc.... they tell you all the bad stuff but I think the hardest thing is letting go. This week I have had to learn to let go of being the boys full time parent. And in all honesty i have found it hard not know what they were doing at school, walking to school with them and seeing any new work in their books or/and around the classroom. I guess this is what single dads feel like when they only have their kids in the weekend? I missed not having cuddles and kisses from Liam who is such a cuddly boy, Steven not so much. i can give Steven a good night kiss and tell him I love him at bed time but that's all, he growls me and gets angry with me if i do it any other time. I have missed Steven placing his piggy(soft hippo toy) around the house during the week to keep me company during the day while he is at school. But there have been a couple of good things come from me being so sick, I have totally gone off coke and have not had any coke for nearly 2 weeks now, I use to drink way to much of the stuff and I have craved it a bit and when i did the food shopping yesterday they had it on special, but I was very good and didn't get any. Right up till about Thursday I was sleeping a good 18-20 hours per day.....now that I'm feeling better I have still being going to bed around 10.30pm and feeling much better for it. All in all its good to have things back to normal......whatever that may be.