The journalling reads:
Just over 6years ago Steven was diagnosed with autism and global developmental delay as well as being deaf in his left ear. It has been a very long and somewhat hard journey that we have travelled to get from there to where we are today. Endless appointments for hearing to make sure his good ear is still okay, speech-language therapist, Early Intervention Teachers(EIT) and Educational Support Workers(ESW). Less than a year after Steven was diagnosed my married ended and I felt very alone, but living with someone who does not accept that there is need for intervention and that Steven did have autism was too much to deal with. Routine was Steven's way of coping and knowing what was going to happen next. For many years visuals were my life saver in explaining/showing Steven what to expect. I have many boxes of visuals from over the years from toileting and bathing to haircuts and what’s for dinner. At one stage I even had them in the car to show him where we were going after school whether it was home or down the road to the dairy. Steven need for routines and to know what was happening made me become a very organised person but it in all honesty it drove me mad that we couldn’t just pop out or go and visit someone whenever we had some time. Over the years I learnt to deal with these struggles that I had but also remembered that Steven had the most struggles to deal with. At kindy Steven had full one on one support right through, once he was at school that all ended and he was pretty much left on his own just to cope the best he can. It frustrates me that there is not enough funding in school to support kids like Steven who with a few hours of one on one a week would make things so much easier for them. Holidays are hard work and I love both my boys to bits but I don’t enjoy holidays much at all. They are both so different and as they get older Liam doesn’t want to play by Steven rules and doesn’t want to spend lots of time with Steven, yet Steven still wants to spend lots of time with Liam. I struggle with the fact that academically Liam will be ahead of Steven by the end of this year if he’s not already. It frustrates Steven that Liam knows things that he doesn’t and I can see this will be another struggle to deal with as the years go on. Steven loves school because once again it has routine that he needs. He knows every day what is going to happen its written on the board when he gets to class, he knows what day he has maths which means going to another classroom he knows what day his teacher has release day and he has a different teacher, but when he doesn’t know or he is unable to tell me that there is something at school happening that he doesn’t like I have a hell of a job getting him to school. Most of these days start with me having to physically getting his dressed myself cause he wont do it by himself, followed by him not getting out of the car once we are at school leading to him screaming as he holds on for dare life to his booster seat which of course makes people turn to stare to see what on earth you are doing to that poor child. 90% of the time I can block out the stares and ignore the comments made but that other 10% of the time I break and end up in tears and I question the job that I’m doing am I doing the right thing for Steven, should I do something different? Many people have asked how I cope being a single mum with a special needs child, the honest truth is most of the time I don’t, behind closed doors I struggle and there are days where I feel like I’m drowning. I struggle with not knowing how Steven will come in the coming years with college and the forever changing routines that come as time goes by. I have guilt after getting annoyed and frustrated with him because of something he does or doesn’t do but when I calm down and think about it half the time I'm sure he is frustrated and confused about this world we live in. But most of all my heart breaks for him when he has to deal with change, its part of life and he is made to deal with it, he has to fit into what everyone else calls ‘typical’ or ‘normal’, he has to change who he is so that people like him or will be friends with him.
